Addictive

The much-criticised but curiously addictive Fame Academy took a turn for the worse last week when Brownsound protégé Ainslie Henderson failed to win the public vote and was dramatically kicked out of the academy by his fellow students.

Dad

Ainslie, who was introduced to the world of showbusiness by Steve Brown's Dad, Bob, pulled out all the stops by singing two SBS standards - With or Without You and Satisfaction. But the would-be Indie God failed to impress the British public, who voted instead for squeaky-clean Glaswegian Martipellow-like David and feisty Irish colleen Sinead.

Ear

In what was clearly an act of tactical voting, the students then chose London soul-warbling love rat Lemar to stay in the academy, effectively turfing Ainslie out on his ear.

Tit

One obvious reason for Ainslie's failure to impress the public is that, while his renditions of the songs were good, they in no way matched the quality previously reached by the Steve Brown Sound, as recorded on their debut live album "Live and Greasy". Of course it could also be due to the fact that the previous week Ainslie made a right tit of himself by writhing around on the floor and then diving into the crowd. What an arse.

Chat

After a couple of weeks of media interest and some appearances on daytime chat shows, Ainslie is destined to disappear into obscurity. Unless, of course, his career is boosted by further publicity of his association with the globally respected Steve Brown Sound.

Mr Broon 12/12/02