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The Slap Brown Sound?

SBS MEMBERS EMBROILED IN BALDNESS SCARE

A recent survey has revealed that more than 50% of men lose their hair by the time they are 40. This shocking figure means that in the next 10 years we can expect at least half of the members of the Steve Brown Sound to go bald.

Speculation
Needless to say, the revelation of such a worrying fact has resulted in much speculation as to which members of the band are most likely to turn into slapheads.

Experts
As the youngest member of the band, guitarist Neil Anderson would appear, on the surface at least, to be least at risk. However, some experts have suggested that baldness could be hereditary, in which case he is in big trouble.

Danger
Having already passed the thirty mark, lead singer Steve Brown and bassman Marv Trickey are in real danger of going thin up top within the next few years. Trickey has recently taken to sporting a long floppy fringe, sparking rumours that the process of hairline recession may already have begun.

Bald Spot
Brown, once renowned for his unfeasibly large quiff, now prefers a close-cropped style which, sources say, is a tactic to conceal an increasingly visible bald spot that has appeared on his crown.

Hirsute
Nick Dwyer, however, seems likely to keep his hair for a good while yet. The hirsute drummer, once likened to a dog because of his shaggy appearance, seems equally comfortable with long or short hair, and his beard remains free of patches.

Paranoia
Sources close to Steve Brown can reveal that he has suffered from acute paranoia over potential hair loss for several years. "He's always going on about his hair. I wish he'd shut up about it," revealed girlfriend Holly Pheby.

Obsessed
When asked for his reaction to the results of the survey, Brown revealed that he is so obsessed with his own baldness that he considers himself an expert on the subject: "I could have told you that", he said.

Mr Broon 24/09/2002

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