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'Worth it,' says Luke

If Lukes Could Kill

Bash

Need an excuse to get the old posse back together for yet another juice-up within the next 12 months? The search is on to find Luke Harvey a bride in time for next year's wedding season. "The reunion would be worth it," said Harvey, "even if the marriage wasn't." Always one to recognise the value of a good party, Luke is prepared to hurl himself into the treacherous jaws of matrimony for the sake of your next get together.

Decent

Some frivolous gossip magazine recently named Luke Harvey as the most eligible bachelor to have passed through the ranks of the Steve Brown Sound. After a flurry of Brown Sound weddings in 2002, the search was on for the ultimate Brown Sound pin up, and according to statistics that are probably made up by kids too proud to get a paper-round, Harvey is the man by which most women want to be 'made decent'. And who could blame them? Soon to be homeowner Harvey is a catch and a half. Off the top of our heads we'd say the soft-spoken gent easily clears 6 foot, which now that Anderson is out of the running, makes Harvey odds on favourite for a shotgun wedding before the end of next year.

Accosted

Brown Sound bassist, Martin Trickey was recently made ineligible through his marriage to society girl and gossip-writer's darling, Naomi Davies. As for Brown himself, he's been strictly hands-off for donkey's years, thanks to his involvement with Holly Phebey, soon to be the mother of the first Brown Sound child. Whilst Nick Dwyer has got it all going on in the rhythm department, he just couldn't cut it next to Luke. "He's a regular Casanova," said Dwyer, whom we accosted outside a watercress shop in Brighton, "If he wasn't dead already, I'd kill him myself!" Interim percussionist, Frank Lajko, who is also rather tall, was, as ever, unavailable for comment on why the pundits passed over him in favour of the Bristol-born CEO of Lick Industries.

Hot

When questioned on the criteria for eligibility a spokeswoman for the unnamed magazine said that Luke's marital status was more important than his mortal status when the assessment was made. Never actually having been in the band was not considered a drawback, either. "He's hot," said our contact, "And we don't give a damn if he can't play the drums." So there you have it, ladies. Luke Harvey is the one to get your mitts on this winter.

Think you've got what it takes to find Luke a tasty bird? Drop us a line at The Vic, where we promise to be there first with news of 2003's big weddings!

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